Poop in a bucket x2

One day i was like "hey United Airlines, you suck"
And they were "why?"
And then i was like "cause you never gave me the vegan on my flight home"
And then they were like "Oh, well here is $150"
And then I was like "duh"

One day jake almost died, but a broken helmet and 20 hours in a hospital later, it's all going to be ok. Helmets are now officially in.

One day i took the plane from nyc to texas. Didn't sleep that night. Had to catch the shuttle from manhattan at 4am, but i was sleeping in brooklyn. Didn't leave much time for sleeping, only for commuting . Well, that's ok because they actually canceled my flight once i got to the airport. Good thing I got to the airport early because they put me on a flight that left a hour earlier. On first class, so i couldn't complain especially because i could now check three bags instead of none. I love accidental privilege. If only i had more bullshit, i could have used it.
Anyways, two more eventful things happened on my journey.
I had three flights total, by my third one I was pretty pooped. So as they go ready to board and everyone was milling around, ready to race to their assigned seats, I closed my eyes because they hurt. Please note that I said "closed my eyes" not "closed my eyes to sleep" because when i opened them everyone was gone. It was like a bad sci fi movie. The whole damn concourse was deserted. Apperently i was so tired that when i closed my eyes, i fell right to sleep and didn't hear the boarding of the plane. Kind of really annoying.
Then when I finally go to texas i got to go through a revolving door to leave security. I saw my mom waiting on the other side and thought it would be funny to psych her out and go around the revolving door and back to the security section. But it was more ha ha on me because you can't reenter the security section without going through security and i set off an alarm. Good times all around. ha ha, nope.